In light of the quickly approaching darkness that is full blown winter, what can be called cuffing season is upon us. For those not familiar with the term, cuffing season refers to a time in the year when “people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves, along with the rest of the world, desiring to be tied down by a serious relationship”….. it can also be referred to as cuddle season.. although the cuffing term is a bit more… aggressive. What you prefer is up to you.
Cuffing is a derivative of “handcuffing” even explained in Vogue as essentially chaining yourself to another person throughout the season. I mean... it's in the pages of Vogue! Although the initial thought may excite you … what I am really interested to know is why some of us may choose to cuff ourselves to a perhaps meaningless relationship to feel a sense of security while empires could be built with the use of that time. So the question here is, to cuff or not to cuff?
Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the concept. It gets cold out, days are short and nights are long so who better to watch Netflix with than your naked handcuffed buddy, but is this a relationship or is this a bandage on an insecurity…. And for the sake of understanding this keep in mind, neither are wrong. Finding a partner because you choose not to be alone is okay, even if you didn't pick that partner because you were absolutely infatuated by their existence. That being said, I am not a fan of mediocre and perhaps you aren't either which may leave you curious as to weather or not cuffing is for you….
I’m not sure if you've ever seen the Sex and The City episode where Carrie breaks up with Big and goes on to explore all sorts of things in her free time. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw in the "Single and Fabulous" episode ;
“Being single and fabulous also frees up one's weekends.
Saturdays usually spent browsing with him in Soho are left for more practical things...
...like power walking with your single and fabulous girlfriends."
Many of the most successful entrepreneurs have done so while single. They have chosen to dive into the success of themselves and their self care rather than the time spent with someone who may just be a bandage for society's norms. I'm not saying this is all relationships. Not at all so please don't think that. I am just curious why people try and hold on or even find something safe when it may be so far from right.
I used to be more of a relationship girl. If my boyfriend from when I was 19 read this he'd strongly agree. My favourite holiday was valentines day and I loved date night, dressing up, posting kissing pics, the whole shebang. But again, I was 19. I wasn't focused on who I was becoming as person. By building that individual and nourishing what I had to offer to both myself and someone else, I would in return find someone later in life who would give me that same reward, not just companionship. At some point in my life I made a conscious decision to work on myself and repeated the lyrics over and over “to find someone you love, you need to be someone you love”…. That being said, we have a whole plethora of people who not only don't love themselves, but don't necessarily love their partner, they are just …. Well, cuffed. And often times far past the season...
I also want to put this out there that I am not saying I don’t want a relationship. In fact I do. I love going on dates. Getting to know someone ... but it takes time. Its like friendship.... you connect for some reason and then ultimately one day you realize that someone is your best friend for life and thats the end all say all no matter what other friends you meet. Thats what I want from a relationship. The absolutely unapologetic love that it hurts so much. It absolutely could crush you but its the best thing in the entire world. It stands besides you in your own fight. It loves you. It lets you love yourself more than you love it (it being the relationship). Ultimately at the end you're stuck with you and only you. No one else is forever or guaranteed. Sign a paper and put a ring on it (which seems to be the trend RN on my FB), but everyone will make their own decision no matter what is cuffing them down.
The number one question I get asked... after how blogging is my job, is why and how am I single? Interesting question. I always look at them with a perplexed face and respond with something like "What do you mean how? and why?" .... Single people are often looked at like these creatures that are so foreign to couples. I see it even with my best friends. They prefer you to be in a relationship because it makes them able to understand you better. If you are not in one, you must be looking for one... but why cant you find something that works?
The answer lies within yourself. When you see your life how do you picture it. Are you successful with an amazing supportive husband and making the money you want from your dream job. Are you fit, healthy and glowing. You pick your own priorities in life. 100% relationships are part of that, but that doesnt just mean having a boyfriend. It means your family and friends, men in your life who support you fully to be the successful female entrepreneur, exec, or what ever that goal is for you.
Everyone, you do you, but in my experience.... if you choose to spend your time on a person make sure they are worth it. Make sure they are supportive of your biggest dreams. That they challenge you intellectually. Emotionally. Physically. That you give something to them as well, in the form of support and wisdom. Make sure you laugh... a lot. Make sure you enjoy the same wines and have lots of sex. Make sure that you think that person is as absolutely loving of you as you are of yourself. Or else, why bother spending all this time bettering yourself to only feel that this incredible person (YOU) is now cuffed down.
So at a time of year when you may think, to cuff or not to cuff, maybe ask yourself have you really even been tied down to yourself long enough to add another person into the mix?