I feel as though I am not me… I am my acne. These are RAW images. ALL 100% untouched and feature NO make up.
The first from two months ago with absolutely no make up, the last one is from yesterday.
I’m sharing something here that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I feel so embarrassed and confused. I don’t feel like myself. I’m searching to find her again but it’s getting hard and I don’t see her in the mirror. I want to be my happy healthy self who is confident and thrives in her body. With makeup sometimes I can find her. But without, I’m not really her right now and the past few weeks I haven’t been….
I ask you all not to criticize me and judge me for what I’m posting. I know I’m not the only one struggling and if you are, I want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I made a promise at the beginning of this week to be more real and raw with you. Sharing the good and the bad. Sharing the big changes and not keeping them hidden from social media because I’m SCARED what you’ll say and think. Or if something bad happens and I have to share it with you and EXPLAIN myself… the horror… Starting with posting my relationship.
And now… this is next.... this is one thing in my life that sometimes makes me actually unable to live normally. I don’t want to be who I am. And the strangest part to me is that I’m not that girl. I love my life. I love my family and friends and my job (most days like all of us!). But for the first time ever because of this evil I don’t want to leave my house. I don’t want to go teach. I don’t want to see my boyfriend or friends. I stay locked up because thats the only place no one can see me. I am not me, I am my acne.
Two months ago my skin was clear and perfect. And I feel like it has been really great for the past year if I a being truthful. I have been through some ups and downs and you can see that story here where I speak about My Skin Story. Recently in the past few weeks everything has just freaked out in my body. I’ll blame it on stress but I think there must be something else tied to it as well. Nothing seems to be normal and right now. Especially not my acne that I can often keep hidden or tame the break outs…. often sweat related, I try not to work out as much if it starts getting really bad. After doing that for a bit when I was just in NYC, doing less cardio so as not to sweat on my face, it didn’t help. And I feel like I’m lying. I dont feel like i can be a face of beauty, health and fitness if my skin represents something completely disconnected from that. Except i feel good. Im eating well. Im working out. Im in the best shape of my life and should be the happiest ever…. except I feel ashamed of something that is 100% percent out of my control. AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
I’m now desperate to try anything at this point. I hope I can find something that works and that can help others as well. Please share any suggestions. Desperately searching and I’m sorry I don’t have the answer yet. I don’t have them all. I can tell you what to eat thats cleared my skin in the past, but I tried that and it didn’t help. Not everything works for people all the time. That what I know. Thats what I see very clearly now as things that have worked perfectly for my body in the past are failing me. Im scared I wont find a solution and I wont return back to myself. Thats my biggest fear. And i want to be me, happy, healthy and FATALE with all of you.
Sending you all so much love, all that I can. What ever I have left to give when I’m this low, and know that I’m there with you, I feel you, my life is not perfect and this is my raw. Im sorry if its not what you want to see on your feed, but here I am and I’m real.